The mere act of buying diapers was not life-changing in itself. Rather, my life changed while standing in the aisle staring at all the diaper variety in all its absorbent glory. This was an aisle that I breezed by every other trip to the grocery store while secretly thinking to myself, "Aren't I glad I don't have to deal with that?" Year after year passed as I left that aisle in my proverbial rearview mirror...until now. No, this time I slowly walked down the aisle observing an entire industry trying to get my attention and make me buy bottles and wipes and jars of food and pacifiers and many other things that I only vaguely know to exist. I was a foreigner in a foreign land but I kept going. I was surprised to find that diapers come in many makes and models. I also learned that you buy diapers for babies like you buy dog food for dogs--by weight. Then on top of each weight class were sizes like large, jumbo, etc.
Anyway, it really hit me that I couldn't just walk by this aisle and pretend that Andrea just had the stomach flu or mono or something instead of actively brewing a baby. The aisle in my rearview now filled the entire horizon in front of me. So I stood there. I stood there taking deep breaths and eventually reached out for a pack of the Value diapers (at the suggestion of some of our friends) for a baby ranging from 8-14 pounds. I turned around and pushed the cart--feeling a lot heavier for some reason--towards the check out. The next thing I knew was that I was walking by Andrea at home tossing the pack of diapers into our storage closet after showing it to her without a word. It was a silent, awe-filled moment.
This may sound negative and I really hope that it doesn't come across like that. While it's true that we weren't planning on this new adventure and that it really changes our future, I do not feel that life is over. Ok, to be honest, I thought it was a few times...but that's behind me. Truly, this change has been tough for me to accept because I still feel like an 18 year old in my mind and this is way too "adult-ish" for me. But that has begun change and it started with a bag of diapers. I can't deny reality any longer. I plan to embrace it and I even plan on living out our dreams. I am convinced it can be done. We will not only survive, we will thrive.