Live Well!

This week has caused me to reevaluate my life--think about what's important to me and what ultimately matters.  Babies and weddings and deaths and sickness have been around me a lot lately and they made me take pause. 

Legacy

With so many celebrities passing this week it is difficult not to think about death.  I don't know why the death of celebrities cause a greater response than the deaths of "common" people or of victims of crime or war or of starving children in the developing world but I know that when death is in front of us it reminds us of our fate.  We too will one day breathe our last and pass on into the next world.  And what is left?  Certainly not us but our legacy will live on.  Maybe we won't live on in the same way that some famous people do but those we love will remember us.  What will they remember? What words will be used to sum up our lives and our influence? Funerals are the place for very kind words to be spoken regardless of how the person lived.  What words would be used in the quiet moments when they can be honest about us?  Time will tell and we who are living can still determine our legacy.  

As I think about my baby boy or girl that will be coming into our lives next year I wonder if I will be a good dad.  Will I train the little one to be great?  Or will I have been a cause for grief and therapy?  Some children grow up with little guidance and they will wander through life having never been trained to deal with life.  I want my child to grow up and be released straight and strong like an arrow that leaves the archer's bow.  Unwavering in his or her values I hope that my son or daughter will stand for what's good in the world.  I hope that I will pass on right virtues; how to love well, how to be generous, when to say no, when to fight, how to fight, when to walk way among other things.

Discipline

The key to most of these things is discipline.  I've allowed myself to be undisciplined and, honestly, the world we live in does not help.  The fundamental right, the "pursuit of happiness," as stated in the Declaration of Independence has been turned into the pursuit of pleasure.  This is really unfortunate because not all pleasure leads to happiness.  

My lack of discipline really hit me in the face a few months ago when my dad made a statement about my basketball days.  One of his coworkers that I used to play ball with asked if I ever did anything with my basketball skills.  My dad said no and that the problem was that I liked to play but I didn't like to practice.  He is absolutely right.  I didn't like the practice.  It was hard and made me really tired and I eventually gave up.  I gave up...  Sadly, this has transferred into other areas of life, especially in my life as a Christian.  Most worthwhile things aren't easy yet I am stymied when I wonder why I don't see God moving in my life.  

The good news is that each day is a new day and I can grow and learn and change.      

Joy

At the wedding in Florida, one of Jon and Amanda's nieces asked a great question at dinner.  "What's the best day in life?"  What a great question.  Weddings, the birth of your first child, the birth of every other child for that matter, graduation, your first home, your children graduating and getting married, having grandkids, all these things were mentioned and it made me think that life can be awesome.  God intended life to be good and I think that must be remembered when pondering the finite number of days we've been given.  I can't imagine the hopelessness (or something) that some must feel believing that there is no greater purpose to life, that this life ends and that nothing else follows.  I do not believe that heaven transforms us into little, chubby, cupid-like angels floating in the clouds strumming harps.  I think it will be much more real, much more physical than that.  But I believe that the joy we share now is but a shadow of the joys to come. 

 May we all keep our lives in healthy perspective, disciplining ourselves to take hold of what life is really about and being ruthlessly joyful in the number of days that have been given to us.  May those who know and love us be able to look at our lives (now and after we pass) and learn from them how to live rightly.  

Diapers

I bought diapers for the first time this week and it was a life-changing experience.  You may think that I have started early buying these little treasures but I hope to have a decent stockpile of diapers on top of what others will be giving to us through baby showers and such.  Planning ahead can't hurt, right?  It's never too late to start planning ahead.  

The mere act of buying diapers was not life-changing in itself.  Rather, my life changed while standing in the aisle staring at all the diaper variety in all its absorbent glory.  This was an aisle that I breezed by every other trip to the grocery store while secretly thinking to myself, "Aren't I glad I don't have to deal with that?"  Year after year passed as I left that aisle in my proverbial rearview mirror...until now.  No, this time I slowly walked down the aisle observing an entire industry trying to get my attention and make me buy bottles and wipes and jars of food and pacifiers and many other things that I only vaguely know to exist.  I was a foreigner in a foreign land but I kept going. I was surprised to find that diapers come in many makes and models.  I also learned that you buy diapers for babies like you buy dog food for dogs--by weight.  Then on top of each weight class were sizes like large, jumbo, etc.  

Anyway, it really hit me that I couldn't just walk by this aisle and pretend that Andrea just had the stomach flu or mono or something instead of actively brewing a baby.  The aisle in my rearview now filled the entire horizon in front of me.  So I stood there.  I stood there taking deep breaths and eventually reached out for a pack of the Value diapers (at the suggestion of some of our friends) for a baby ranging from 8-14 pounds.  I turned around and pushed the cart--feeling a lot heavier for some reason--towards the check out.  The next thing I knew was that I was walking by Andrea at home tossing the pack of diapers into our storage closet after showing it to her without a word.  It was a silent, awe-filled moment.

This may sound negative and I really hope that it doesn't come across like that.  While it's true that we weren't planning on this new adventure and that it really changes our future, I do not feel that life is over.  Ok, to be honest, I thought it was a few times...but that's behind me.  Truly, this change has been tough for me to accept because I still feel like an 18 year old in my mind and this is way too "adult-ish" for me.  But that has begun change and it started with a bag of diapers.  I can't deny reality any longer.  I plan to embrace it and I even plan on living out our dreams.  I am convinced it can be done. We will not only survive, we will thrive.

Midwest Trip, part 1: The Passage of Time

It is now August and our trip to our grandparents in Oklahoma and Illinois is already beginning to slip into the recesses of my long term memory. There are many things to write about but I will not be able to include it in one post. Since it would put many people--including myself--to sleep to read a huge blog I will make a few blogs to chronicle our adventures. The trip really taught me a lot and I have been pondering these things since I returned. I suppose you could name these blogs, "What I learned on my summer vacation."

Anyway, I suggest you read my wife's blog on her grandfather whom she calls Afi (Icelandic for grandpa). His wife and his friends call him Harry. Harry turned 97 years old on our last full day in Centralia, Illinois. 97 years old. My mind cannot conceive 97 years nor can it take in all the changes that have occurred since 1911. Two world wars, the rise of the automobile, the Great Depression, the development of powered flight, the space race and a man walking on the Moon, the Cold war, interstate highways, skyscrapers, the advent of the computer age, the end of the majority of colonialism, terrorism, good times, bad times, et cetera, et cetera. Harry has seen a lot of change in the world.

On the wall in their house is a picture of Harry at about 15 years old so it was taken in the late 1920s. He is with his parents and his sister in a posed family portrait. It's a very nice picture. It was odd, however, to look at this picture and then glance over at Harry sitting in his chair where he spent most of his time. In the portrait, Harry is literally the picture of youth. He had a serious look on his face like they always had in portraits those days. His was a young face with dark hair and you could tell from the picture that he was able-bodied. To look at Harry now is to look at the ravages of old age. "It's hell gettin' old, kids," he told us many times. Worst of all is that Harry has Alzheimer's.

This may seem rather depressing to think about but it didn't come out of nowhere. Days before we were at my grandparents house in Oklahoma and I found a book about our genealogy. The furthest back they could trace my family on my dad's side is to a guy name Thomas Alley that came to America in the early 1700s. Most of the people between Thomas and me were "preachers and teachers" my grandmother told me. I thought this was funny since I would consider myself a devout Christian and also work at a university. Anyway, my grandparents also had many pictures in their house. Pictures of them when they first married. Pictures of my dad and uncles and aunts. For some reason it really struck me to see the changes in my family over the years; to see them in their prime in these pictures but then to consider them now as they are.

I guess what bugged me--or intrigued me--was wondering how I would look and feel when I hit 50, or 70 or even 97. Sometimes I catch myself looking at my childhood pictures and wondering if I could have avoided some really hard things had I done things differently. Don't get me wrong. I don't have a bad life. Far from it, in fact. But my life tends to lean towards tedium and waiting for what's next. Sometimes I look at my circumstances and get caught up in thinking that my life is the way it is and there isn't anything that can be done about it. But I do not want to look back on my life 60 or 70 years from now with regret. I refuse to because I have lived with regret for long enough. It's time to make decisions that will help me truly live.

So, as I sat in Centralia, Illinois and looked at the difference between Harry at 15 and Harry at 97 I began to feel sorry for him. But the more I learned about him it seems that he's had a good life. When he was doing well during our trip he had a good attitude and joked quite a bit. He has a wife that is unendingly devoted to him and is full of patience. She is also the only one he seems to remember consistently and, after 48 years together, are still in love with each other. It would seem that he's made some very good decisions along the way.

I know that the decisions we make are a big part of who we are. I can decide to sit around and settle for the ho-hum life I've been living or I can decide to act and make decisions expecting my life's purpose to be found. That sounds good to me...